Thursday, 15 March 2012

Speech wars: Let’s play spot the platitudes

imageIf you’re wondering why folk are losing interest in politics even while govt continues to eat out our substance, then the platitudes espoused today in the Battle of the Speeches offer a clue—”visionary” speeches by our two main party leaders that would have (and surely did) turn the speech writers themselves to thoughts of sleep.

So let’s liven things up and play spot the platitude. I’ll give you a line from either Key’s* or Shearer’s** speech, and you tell me which one said it:

New Zealand will be clean, it will be green, it will be clever & and it will be a place that's good for lambs.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Let me tell you a story about a circus.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We're working hard to take the country forward.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We can’t catch Australia, so let’s aim for Finland.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

New Zealanders want their leaders to focus on the future.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

A vision is a marvellous thing.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We've got an economic action plan with 120 key things to build a more competitive economy.  We are currently developing that plan further.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We will be presenting detailed and far-reaching policies. We will spend the next two years listening, drawing up our plans. We will accept the best ideas wherever they come from… So let's be clear: I'm not going to offer up some magic bullet.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

People say governments can’t pick winners, but we can.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

New Zealanders care deeply about the quality of public services.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

New Zealanders care how society looks after the most vulnerable.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We must move forward together, looking after one another along the way.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

The public sector is important.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

If I had to sum up what we need to do in one sentence I'd say this: we need to make a new New Zealand.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

I came into politics to make a difference. And it is time for a clear focus on what will make New Zealand a better place.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We need to value teachers.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We need to value public servants.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

If you're prepared to invest in the future, your fate can change.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Let’s not just sell the world what we’re good at.  Let’s copy what others do instead.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We live in a world of social media, online sales, internet banking and apps for almost everything.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Our community must take care of the needy. They deserve a share of the pie. Everyone who can help to make that pie needs to be involved, and fairly rewarded for doing it.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Everyone in the country deserves and will get a pony.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Actually, one or two of  these could well have been trick questions on my part. But only one or two.  Could you spot them?

The fact is, however, it doesn’t matter which one said what. It’s the same brand of paternalist bullshit on both sides.

But check the answers for yourself here and here if you must.

And let’s keep moving forward together, into a new dawn, rubbing shoulders with the future…

[Image from the NZ Herald]

* * * *  *

* Key, John, i.e., that nice man on the telly
** Shearer, David, i.e., leader of the Labour Party***
*** Remember the Labour Party?


Anonymous Michael M said...

Tweedledum and Tweedledumer.
A pair of halfwit lying bastards.

15 Mar 2012, 20:17:00  
Anonymous KP said...

Its actually the clearest indication that democracy does not work, and it puts the lowest common denominator of people in power.

How could ANYONE with a brain vote for clowns like them??

15 Mar 2012, 23:12:00  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As I read it, Key is trying to send the message that he wants the civil service to perform their functions more economically and/or effectively.

Well, this is the wrong approach and the wrong focus. What is needed is firstly to radically slash the government's functions (ie unnecessary meddling in peoples lives) and then to set about making the remaining 20% cost effective.

There is no point in shuffling Conservation, PI Affairs, Women's Affairs, One Legged Affairs, the Dept Of Silly Walks, The Maori Space Exploration Initiative and the Toilet Training Taskforce: just close the lot of them and then concentrate on having a decent Defence, Justice, Police, Health, essential Infrastructure and Education services.

Dave Mann

16 Mar 2012, 08:41:00  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is not about policy, it is about popularity for POWER.

16 Mar 2012, 09:25:00  
Blogger gregster said...

"Everyone in the country deserves and will get a pony"

Neither said that. That was Vermin Supreme. :)

16 Mar 2012, 09:48:00  
Anonymous Peter Pumpkinhead said...

Goal: Power
Means: Any
Morals: Optional

16 Mar 2012, 13:00:00  
Anonymous Mort said...

i can't believe they are only targeting 5-105 job losses.... WTF, surely there could be 10x that amount given the rubbish going on in Public servant land.
The other day I tried to ask a question of the MoH, and practically had to give my life story in order to make it past the receptionist. On politely refusing to outlay such details simply so some moron could monitor a phone log, I eventually got put through the correct department, but only after asking to speak to her manager. The utter waste of users time and the country's resources performing functions that are purely a hindrance is astounding, and yet, enlightening. It goes to show there are at least 2 jobs in the MoH which are not necessary.

16 Mar 2012, 13:16:00  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


16 Mar 2012, 13:16:00  

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